Bath Towels vs. Marriage

A lesson that I have learned in my own experiences is that when I disagree with Dan I need not turn away or shut down. I need not turn inward and have a pity-party because he doesn’t understand. I need to strive to understand myself and why I feel the way I do. Then I need to understand Dan's desires and the background that is influencing his opinion. I also need to help him understand what is motivating my strong feelings about the issue. We need to have a reasonable and rational conversation. We need to be willing to understand one another.

I first learned this lesson in a disagreement over bath towels. We had registered for and been given bath towels for our wedding. Upon their arrival, I decided that I didn’t love them like I thought I would when I put them on our online registry. We returned them for Amazon.com credit. I wanted to buy towels from Costco instead. We went to Costco and purchased them with cash we had been given for our wedding. When we got home, the issue struck. He hadn’t wanted to spend money on the towels and finally let it be known. Thankfully I am unable to recall all of the details but things kind of exploded. They ended with us being dramatically on the opposite point of view but for the wrong reasons. (He told me that all though it hadn’t been his favorite decision, he wanted me to keep the towels. I told him that I would take them back. He told me not to. Knowing how much it bugged him, I no longer wanted them. Both of us were unreasonable, uptight and dramatic.)

After this issue calmed down, we talked more calmly about it. We tried to understand one another’s reasonable thoughts that were motivating each opinion.

To him a towel was a towel; we each had a couple mismatched ones we had been using through our college years, they were fulfilling our need for the time being. In his mind, the cash was more important to save. He felt the weight of the responsibility as husband to provide. He wanted us to practice wise spending habits. He was trying to be a good husband and be able to take care of me.
For me, the beginning of our marriage (with the help and kindness of loved ones) was a time to get many of the household goods that would start off our home. It was an opportunity to get a bed, matching dishes, a vacuum, throw pillows, a bedspread, cooking utensils, a TV, bath mats… and towels. Ones that were high quality, that I liked and that I would be proud to set out for house guests. I was trying to be a good wife and a cute homemaker.

When we took the time to understand one another and the hopes, dreams and aspirations of each other, we were able to be united again and see the lack of importance in $50 worth of towels. Our marriage and relationship was worth far more than $50.