Protect Your Person

Photo by Amy Bollwinkel Photography

Dan is My Person. He is the one I run to with my struggles. He is very loyal and I never worry about him walking all over my tender feelings. He is thoughtful and caring. He lifts me up when I am feeling down.

But he is human and so am I. We do not have a perfect marriage. Sometimes we struggle to communicate effectively. Occasionally we forget things. We are unaware. We get irritated. We run late. We fall short. We drop the ball. We are human.

And that is okay.

As long as we keep trying.

And I don't mean the "try" halfheartedly given by a middle school student to their least favorite teacher, in their least favorite subject, in response to a requested confirmation that an assignment will get done over the weekend. The student never intends to do the assignment. They will be far too busy attending the football game and pulling an all-nighter with their friends.

I mean the REAL try. The kind of trying that is required to keep a marriage alive. The kind of try that is true and honest commitment. The kind of trying that slowly turns a stranger into your person.

Marriage requires spouses to try.

I love the comparison of Elder Hafen when he likened Christ’s parable of the hireling to marriage.

“Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.” 2 Many people today marry as hirelings. And when the wolf comes, they flee. This idea is wrong. It curses the earth, turning parents’ hearts away from their children and from each other”.

The wolves that come to our marriages can be anything. They can be struggles of raising a difficult child, misaligned priorities, financial stresses, poor communication, disrespect, neglect, abuse, etc. The list could be forever long. The point is that the struggles WILL come!

Elder Hafen suggests that a, “husband and wife in a covenant marriage sustain and lift each other when the wolf comes”. There is not room for an attitude of “I’m putting in some effort, now meet me halfway”. In this scenario, it is hard to know what halfway truly is. You are keeping score, holding grudges and harboring ill feelings. Instead we need to both put in 100% of the effort and pray for heavenly help. In this way, we will always have our bases covered.

A temple marriage is more than just a couple. It is a family affair. It is the act of sealing together two individuals in a huge web of God’s eternal families. We need to be fully committed to our spouse. We need to be fully committed to our covenants. We need to remain faithful. We need to retain an eternal perspective. We must always beg to have heaven’s help in our relationship and our home. This is how we succeed when the wolves appear! This is how we survive and enjoyably to return to our Father’s presence!